I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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