ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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