I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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