she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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