I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
