Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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