apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
