So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
