Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
