If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
