$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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