i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
