So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
