oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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