i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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