is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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