Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
