Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
