Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize