dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
