my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
