I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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