She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
