my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
