he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
