im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
