I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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