He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
