We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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