im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
