YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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