i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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