he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
