Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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