She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
