Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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