Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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