ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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