Four minutes until I can fart!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize