My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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