but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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