I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize