I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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