It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
