just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
