I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
