Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
