Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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