If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
