but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
