he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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