so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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