You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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