'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
