in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
