and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
