overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
