Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
