Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
