I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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