so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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