Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just invented taco cereal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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