girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Watching her eat just hurts me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
