It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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