I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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