I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
