i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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