i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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