help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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