His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
