She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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