i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
