Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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