I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
