They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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