my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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