I am in a vortex of obligation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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