The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
