my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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