Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
