you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
