I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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