My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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