can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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