i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
