Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
