No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
