remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
