he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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