There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
